Ignoring the pain, minimizing the pain, overcompensating for the pain, internalizing the pain, and medicating the pain are commonly implemented and universally unhelpful. So, here are five helpful steps to process our pain. These are great steps to teach our children and grand-children. If we can help our children learn them as they are growing up, they can process pain much healthier throughout their adult lives.
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In this world, we will have heartache and pain. When we face pain we need two things. We must suspend our analysis, seek comfort and process the pain.
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A month ago I hung up a wood message board in my 10-year-old daughter, Brooke’s, bathroom. A week later, as she was getting ready for school, we heard a loud bang in her bathroom. Soon after, she came out with tears in her eyes and a red mark on her foot. My wife, Teri, gave her a hug. After Brooke got herself composed I asked her, “What happened?” She said the message board fell off her wall and landed on her foot. My immediate thought was “I hope I didn’t do that to her by not putting a big enough nail in the wall.” So I asked her, “How did it fall?” She said she was not paying attention and bumped into it while combing her hair. I was sorry it happened but relieved I didn’t cause it. This was not my brightest shining moment as a dad. At that point in time it was not helpful for me to analyze. I struggle with that and have hurt my wife and my children by doing that.
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The Easter scenes take place in the Israeli city of Jerusalem, where a fascinating connection between an Old Testament and a New Testament event happens.
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I believe, as humans, we are created in the image of God…every one of us. We are unique from every other living organism in that we can reflect God’s character. This includes a deep desire for authentic relationships; the ability to receive and express love; the capacity for complex thinking and problem solving; and to respond to or reject the leadership and invitations for hope and healing initiated by our Divine Creator.
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Pain. Isolation. Internal struggles. Wounds. Unresolved hurt. Secret sins. Abuse. Where do you go to get help?
In April, one of the finalists for a superintendent of schools opening in our community was accused of publicly exposing himself 16 times since November. He had a strong resume and a successful track record including being voted Minnesota’s top superintendent in 2010. His behavior seemed to come out of nowhere. He resigned his current superintendent position. I pray that he and his family find God’s grace, truth and healing.
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Last week I read this quote from Jon Gordon, “We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we forget why we do it. Purpose keeps you fresh!” The next day I received an email reminding me why I am a pastor and why I write this column. I don’t do so to push my agenda or opinion, but to help people.
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Grief is a journey. Don’t take shortcuts. Life is difficult. We need each other. We all
need God. Don’t run from Him when you face pain. Where is God today? “He is close to the
brokenhearted and saving those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
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There are two ways people live life and view God. We can view God through our wounds and our pain. Or we can view our pain and our wounds through the eyes of God. These two lenses will lead us to two very different destinations and dispositions.
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