Recently, as I talked to my wife about a topic she and her counselor discussed, I realized this topic may be exactly what one of you need to hear or share with someone. So, here it is….
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Tag: wounds
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Healing from grief and loss
Grief and loss is a journey all of us wish to avoid but a journey all of us go on, in significant and smaller ways. Earlier this year, through a discussion with my counselor, God taught me a tool to help with grief and loss. I’ve added my thoughts to his thoughts and I’m so excited to share this with you.
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One June morning in 2017, I received a phone call from our son at Camp Grafton. A storm with 80 mph winds came through as he ate breakfast in a large tent. Just as he looked up, the center pole came crashing down on his plate, narrowly missing his head. He escaped the tent, ran across a field and took cover in a trailer. A month later, I talked to a friend in Costco. He has a friend who was also at Camp Grafton that day. That friend told him about a soldier that almost died in that storm. His friend couldn’t believe the soldier made it out of the tent as stakes were yanking out of the ground and other items flying through the air. I told my friend, “That soldier was my son!”
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Ignoring the pain, minimizing the pain, overcompensating for the pain, internalizing the pain, and medicating the pain are commonly implemented and universally unhelpful. So, here are five helpful steps to process our pain. These are great steps to teach our children and grand-children. If we can help our children learn them as they are growing up, they can process pain much healthier throughout their adult lives.
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Ways one should not process pain
In this world, we will have heartache and pain. When we face pain we need two things. We must suspend our analysis, seek comfort and process the pain.
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What do we do with our pain?
A month ago I hung up a wood message board in my 10-year-old daughter, Brooke’s, bathroom. A week later, as she was getting ready for school, we heard a loud bang in her bathroom. Soon after, she came out with tears in her eyes and a red mark on her foot. My wife, Teri, gave her a hug. After Brooke got herself composed I asked her, “What happened?” She said the message board fell off her wall and landed on her foot. My immediate thought was “I hope I didn’t do that to her by not putting a big enough nail in the wall.” So I asked her, “How did it fall?” She said she was not paying attention and bumped into it while combing her hair. I was sorry it happened but relieved I didn’t cause it. This was not my brightest shining moment as a dad. At that point in time it was not helpful for me to analyze. I struggle with that and have hurt my wife and my children by doing that.
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Road to recovery
Pain. Isolation. Internal struggles. Wounds. Unresolved hurt. Secret sins. Abuse. Where do you go to get help?
In April, one of the finalists for a superintendent of schools opening in our community was accused of publicly exposing himself 16 times since November. He had a strong resume and a successful track record including being voted Minnesota’s top superintendent in 2010. His behavior seemed to come out of nowhere. He resigned his current superintendent position. I pray that he and his family find God’s grace, truth and healing.
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There are two ways people live life and view God. We can view God through our wounds and our pain. Or we can view our pain and our wounds through the eyes of God. These two lenses will lead us to two very different destinations and dispositions.
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